Scary Mommy's Guide to Surviving the Holidays Read online

  ROBYN PASSANTE (To Tuba or Not to Tuba . . . That Is the Question) is an author, freelance writer, and longtime blogger who writes about parenting—and other sources of inspiration and frustration—at Holding the Strings (RobynPassante.com). She is a blogger for the Huffington Post and has been syndicated on BlogHer.

  CRYSTAL PONTI (Put-Your-Feet-Up-While-the-Crock-Pot-Cooks Cranberry Sauce ) recently served as managing editor, contributing author, and publisher of the book The Mother of All Meltdowns, a tell-all collection of moms’ finest (worst, completely awful) moments. She also blogs at MommiFried.com, an outlet for her creative writing and a way for her to share her later-in-motherhood experiences with all women and parents.

  LILY READ (Six Reasons to Love Hanukkah) enjoys long walks on the beach with a small barnacle, otherwise known as her daughter, attached firmly to her leg, and her newborn son attached at the nipple.

  JENNIFER SCHARF (An Open Letter to the Elf on the Fucking Shelf) is a Catholic School Survivor with a snarky sense of humor. Her work has appeared in McSweeney’s, Scary Mommy, Mamalode, and Writer’s Digest. Follow her on Twitter @momcoms.

  ALISA SCHINDLER (Killer Rocky Road Fudge) is a SAHM of three boys and wife to Mr. Baseball. In between schlepping to the ball fields and burning cupcakes, she chronicles the sweet and bittersweet of life in the suburbs on her popular blog, icescreammama.com. Her essays have been featured on NYTMotherlode, Mamapedia.com, and Erma Bombeck’s Writers Workshop. She is a regular contributor for WhatToExpect.com, and appears in the book Life Well Blogged and the anthology Motherhood, May Cause Drowsiness.

  TAMMY SCOTT (Looking a Gift Horse in the Mouth) makes her students laugh during the day, then goes home to three creatures who always make her laugh: her husband and two cats. A lifetime of misadventure has given her the material she needs to write humorous poems and essays; several of which have been published. She blogs as Paprika Furstenburg at goodhumored.wordpress.com.

  JENNIFER SIMON (Redefining Thanksgiving) is a freelance writer and Huffington Post blogger. She is the mother of a baby and a sleep-challenged four-year-old. A former publicist, artist, and fun person, she is currently a very tired lady. You can follow her sleepless musings on Twitter @NoSleepInBklyn.

  After a brief career in television and film, ALLISON SLATER TATE (The Most Wonderful Time of the Year . . . Not) decided to work full-time in an even crazier environment: her own home. When she is not tending to the needs of her four children, she writes about life as a newly forty woman and mother at Scary Mommy, the Huffington Post, the Washington Post, and Brain, Child. You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter @allisonstate and at www.allisonslatertate.com.

  RITA TEMPLETON (Ten Ways to Ensure a Memorable Thanksgiving) is a writer and mom to four lively, imaginative little boys. She lives in Davenport, Iowa, where she maintains her sanity by blogging at Fighting Off Frumpy (and occasionally locking herself in her closet with a box of cookies).

  VICKY WILLENBERG (Ten Signs You’ve Made It to the End of Winter Break) is a wife, mother, and obsessive volunteer at her sons’ school. She works in digital marketing and communications while juggling the class bake sale, folding laundry from two weeks ago, and searching for the dog who escaped yet again. You can find her chronicling the good, the bad, and the hilarious on her blog, The Pursuit of Normal. Vicky has been featured on Scary Mommy, Mamalode, Mamapedia, and BlogHer. She’s also had the privilege of being published in both HerStories Project anthologies.

  JOELLE WISLER (Twenty Ways You Know It’s the Day After Christmas) is a writer, mom, and occasional physical therapist. She lives in the mountains in Colorado and likes to run the crazy trails behind her house, but is terrified of getting eaten by a mountain lion. This year she co-produced Boulder’s Listen to Your Mother show and she blogs about motherhood at 8,500 feet at joellewisler.com. Follow her on Twiiter @jowisler.

  MEGAN ZANDER (A Ten-Step Guide to Making Stuffing with Your Passive-Aggressive Mother-in-Law) is a divorce attorney turned SAHM, at least for now. Formerly infertile, she is now mom to twin toddlers. You can find her out for a run or eating a cupcake, depending on how her kids are behaving that day. You can also find her on Twitter @meganazander and can read more of her writing at mommyish.com.

  About the Author

  Jill Smokler is a New York Times bestselling author and domestic satirist whose candor about marriage and parenting has made her an unlikely hero among a new generation of women. She holds a degree in graphic design and psychology from Washington University in St. Louis and has three children. Married to her college sweetheart, she and her family live in downtown Baltimore.

  FOR MORE ON THIS AUTHOR: authors.simonandschuster.com/Jill-Smokler

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  ALSO BY JILL SMOKLER

  Confessions of a Scary Mommy

  Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies)

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  Copyright © 2014 by Jill Smokler

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  First Pocket Star ebook edition November 2014.

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  Interior design by Jaime Putorti

  Interior images by shutterstock

  Cover images © Masyle/vsilvek/Sedova Elena/Oksana Alekseeva/shutterstock

  ISBN 978-1-5011-0742-9